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Movie Moments - Episode #2

Archived in Movies, Entertainment, Reviews, Retro | No Comments

This is (ONLY) Episode Two of my feature column, the Movie Moments on Haddow Drive where arbitrarily rank “The Best or Worst of…” a themed movie moment or movie entire. There is no method here. Just opinions. Patience, Grasshopper. I can only write so fast.

Episode #2: Top Five Most Anticipated Sci-Fi Movies that May Never Be Made

#5 - Battlefield Earth 2 — You know you would go see this. You know this would be a colossal success. Why? Because we would all FLOCK to the theaters to see the movie that was made despite being a sequel to the WORST science fiction movie of all TIME. Battlefield Earth, that pointless drivel of a movie, doesn’t deserve a sequel (thus it will never get made) but we all love watching a wreck in progress and this would be a spectacular example.

#4 - A live action Matrix prequel — It’s just not cool anymore. We all want to know. We all want to absorb ourselves into what happened BEFORE. But the trilogy had it’s day, and I doubt we’ll be seeing anything new from this franchise. Sure, surprises are possible, but it’s far more likely to have this story drop into a (more fleshed out) anime adaptation, or simply to be explored in that unique cross-media way the franchise has become famous for, than to see this one on the big screen anytime soon.

#3 - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe — It wasn’t that Hitchhikers sucked. It was just, well, Disneyfied. Poor Douglas created something of a masterwork of comedic sci-fi, a cult classic that waited years to be made into a feature movie only to be greeted by a giant, group “meh!” Studios are likely not keen to make a sequel to a so-so sci-fi flick, and fans are equally careful not to push too hard for something that may put another tarnish on a beloved classic.

#2 - Red Dwarf: The Movie — If only. There were numerous incarnations of “official” WEBSITES and miscellaneous fan sites that promised there was SOMETHING going on here; pre-production, casting, filming… something. Unfortunately, this seems to be vapor. What we wouldn’t do to see Lister, Rimmer, and the Cat (not to mention Holly) back in the Dwarf, but as series eight ended on a something of a relative low note, I think this may be disturbingly unlikely. Too bad. Buy the DVDs and relive the history instead.

#1 - Star Wars Episodes VII, VIII and IX — So, really it’s three movies. Either way, seeing a geriatric original trilogy cast fulfill their roles in the film adaptation of the ONLY books (See Timothy Zahn) to qualify for these titles would be nothing short of painful. Maybe someday when LucasArts can do what they did for Yoda, replacing not puppets but real actors with CGI then we may get our due. Until then kind, we’re stuck using our imaginations.

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Movie Moments - Episode #1 >> This is Episode One of my feature column, the Movie Moments on Haddow Drive where arbitrarily rank "The Best or Worst of..." a themed movie moment or movie entire. There is no method here. Just opinions. Episode #1: Top Five Most Ridiculous

Television Showdown Index >> Television Showdown on Haddow Drive I’m all into the feature columns so I’ve been fiddling with some ideas around a “television showdown” where I pit two similar shows against each other on a variety of standard criteria. The criteria are always the

Movie Moments - Episode #1

Archived in Movies, Reviews, Retro | No Comments

This is Episode One of my feature column, the Movie Moments on Haddow Drive where arbitrarily rank “The Best or Worst of…” a themed movie moment or movie entire. There is no method here. Just opinions.

Episode #1: Top Five Most Ridiculous Ways to Use Virtual Reality in the Future

#5: The Matrix (and Sequels) — Think you’ve got a headache from staring at that LCD monitor all day. Just wait until you have data port implanted directly into your skull. This is perhaps the most likely method to directly interface the brain, but what happens when the manufacturer comes out with an upgrade and suddenly your head is incompatible with a new “brain plug” standard. Oh, sorry. Your head has a Serial BPCR Version 1.3.K. This software requires a PARALLEL 1.4.T port. You can get an adapter, but its a little bulky. Too bad. I’m thinking the less actual ‘implanting’ the better.

#4: eXistenZ — So you put a “bioport” into your spine and let a genetically engineered frog-computer-brain suckle your backside? Did I get that right? Of course, that was the fiction WITHIN the fiction, but the concept is there; Allegra (better known as an allergy medication, I think) brushes off the sanitation issue by commenting on the other orifices of the body that seem to do fine with regards to infection. Maybe she forgot how much maintenance goes into keeping those ‘holes’ healthy. Ever had a cold? Methinks there might be a little more than data getting into that particular port.

#3: The Lawnmower Man — The whole goggle and body-suit gig might seem the most (currently) realistic approach, but as far as boosting intelligence and unleashing the hidden potential of telekinetic powers that turn your average horticulturalist into some kind of evil super villain, I have my doubts.

#2: TRON — Barring the fact that the computers used in the movie are (advanced as they were purported) the computational equivalent of a broken iPod, the effect of laser-digitizing oneself into virtual reality lacks something of appeal. One can look to your average DVD or Blu-Ray for a laser, but as anything but a disc reader — I don’t think so. Call me a pessimist, but the fact is lasers are just light: we can control them to transfer energy or focus them to transfer data, but I think that’s about as far as we’re going to get on the virtual reality front.

#1: Total Recall — Why simply play game, when you can replace your entire memory with a fake one and BE the game. Was it just me, or did Arnold look like he was in a lot of pain when they put him in the hopper?

Popularity: 18% [?]

Read more posts by Andrew S (About the Author)

del.icio.us Digg it Earthlink Furl iFeedReaders ma.gnolia Maple.nu Netvouz Netscape RawSugar reddit Scuttle Shadows Simpy Spurl StumbleUpon Wink Yahoo MyWeb

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Movie Moments - Episode #2 >> This is (ONLY) Episode Two of my feature column, the Movie Moments on Haddow Drive where arbitrarily rank "The Best or Worst of..." a themed movie moment or movie entire. There is no method here. Just opinions. Patience, Grasshopper. I

Television Showdown Index >> Television Showdown on Haddow Drive I’m all into the feature columns so I’ve been fiddling with some ideas around a “television showdown” where I pit two similar shows against each other on a variety of standard criteria. The criteria are always the

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