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Movie Moments - Episode #2

Archived in Movies, Entertainment, Reviews, Retro | No Comments

This is (ONLY) Episode Two of my feature column, the Movie Moments on Haddow Drive where arbitrarily rank “The Best or Worst of…” a themed movie moment or movie entire. There is no method here. Just opinions. Patience, Grasshopper. I can only write so fast.

Episode #2: Top Five Most Anticipated Sci-Fi Movies that May Never Be Made

#5 - Battlefield Earth 2 — You know you would go see this. You know this would be a colossal success. Why? Because we would all FLOCK to the theaters to see the movie that was made despite being a sequel to the WORST science fiction movie of all TIME. Battlefield Earth, that pointless drivel of a movie, doesn’t deserve a sequel (thus it will never get made) but we all love watching a wreck in progress and this would be a spectacular example.

#4 - A live action Matrix prequel — It’s just not cool anymore. We all want to know. We all want to absorb ourselves into what happened BEFORE. But the trilogy had it’s day, and I doubt we’ll be seeing anything new from this franchise. Sure, surprises are possible, but it’s far more likely to have this story drop into a (more fleshed out) anime adaptation, or simply to be explored in that unique cross-media way the franchise has become famous for, than to see this one on the big screen anytime soon.

#3 - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe — It wasn’t that Hitchhikers sucked. It was just, well, Disneyfied. Poor Douglas created something of a masterwork of comedic sci-fi, a cult classic that waited years to be made into a feature movie only to be greeted by a giant, group “meh!” Studios are likely not keen to make a sequel to a so-so sci-fi flick, and fans are equally careful not to push too hard for something that may put another tarnish on a beloved classic.

#2 - Red Dwarf: The Movie — If only. There were numerous incarnations of “official” WEBSITES and miscellaneous fan sites that promised there was SOMETHING going on here; pre-production, casting, filming… something. Unfortunately, this seems to be vapor. What we wouldn’t do to see Lister, Rimmer, and the Cat (not to mention Holly) back in the Dwarf, but as series eight ended on a something of a relative low note, I think this may be disturbingly unlikely. Too bad. Buy the DVDs and relive the history instead.

#1 - Star Wars Episodes VII, VIII and IX — So, really it’s three movies. Either way, seeing a geriatric original trilogy cast fulfill their roles in the film adaptation of the ONLY books (See Timothy Zahn) to qualify for these titles would be nothing short of painful. Maybe someday when LucasArts can do what they did for Yoda, replacing not puppets but real actors with CGI then we may get our due. Until then kind, we’re stuck using our imaginations.

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Movie Moments - Episode #1 >> This is Episode One of my feature column, the Movie Moments on Haddow Drive where arbitrarily rank "The Best or Worst of..." a themed movie moment or movie entire. There is no method here. Just opinions. Episode #1: Top Five Most Ridiculous

Television Showdown Index >> Television Showdown on Haddow Drive I’m all into the feature columns so I’ve been fiddling with some ideas around a “television showdown” where I pit two similar shows against each other on a variety of standard criteria. The criteria are always the

Television Showdown - Episode #4

Archived in Television, Entertainment, Reviews | 1 Comment

This is Episode Four of my feature column, the Television Showdown on Haddow Drive where I pit two similar shows against each other on a variety of standard criteria. The criteria are always the same, and the winner of each criterion gets one point, for a maximum of five points. Winner takes all.

Episode #4
Law and Order versus CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

In this installment of the Television Showdown on Haddow Drive I bring justice to Law and Order, stutter-paced legal drama split between the street and the courtroom, and CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, the uber-popular Vegas melodrama about a team of forensic investigators knee deep in bloody corpses.

Criterion 1: Glad-I’m-Not-Them Factor
The thing is this: everyone wants to be a cool CSI, right? I mean, look at the stats. Apparently enrollment in forensic science courses has skyrocketted since the show came on the air. I don’t see your average Joe lining up for law school. Besides, DNA analysis is cool, “Day 55″ of boring court testimony is not. There’s a reason they only show the highlights. Law and Order (+1)

Criterion 2: Use of Revenue Generating Product Placement
Fast cars, lifestyles of the rich and famous, and bloody murder clash in an orgasmic trilogy of an advertiser’s wildest dreams. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation really is just one long commercial advertisiment, no? What’s that… really? There’s a plot there, too. Interesting. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (+1)

Criterion 3: Inclusion of Primates in Cast
Lucky (or maybe smart thinking) for Law and Order, a 2001 season episode synopsis went something like this: “A laboratory technician is murdered and 17 infected research monkeys are ‘liberated.’ The detectives are certain that a group of militant animal-rights activists is responsible.” CSI has yet to have a monkey-driven plot such as this, and much to their detriment it would seem.
Law and Order (+1)

Criterion 4: Clear and Present Reference to Adult Situations
Hmm… not only does sex sell, but VEGAS? C’mon. This is a gimme. Both shows have their share of sex-crimes and brutal murders, but this puts them on a level playing field. It’s the Vegas strip show mentality, raucous sex going on behind closed doors — implied — that gives CSI: Crime Scene Investigation the edge here. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (+1)

Criterion 5: Gratuitous Use of Four Letter Explicatives
Primetime censorship always makes this a tough category. The language in both these shows is pretty tame. The only element that might distingush the two is this: while CSI: Crime Scene Investigation is an edgy, uber-hip blood and guts show riding the edge of the law, my grandmother watches Law and Order. ‘Nuf said. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (+1)

OVERALL
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation reveals a slight edge in the showdown with a 3 to 2 victory over the ever-popular Law and Order. Maybe it’s a product of different paces, different audiences, or different production value — or maybe the criteria are just unfair. Ah, the mysteries of the universe…

C.S.I. Miami - The Complete First Season C.S.I. Crime Scene Investigation - The Complete Second Season C.S.I. Crime Scene Investigation - The Complete First Season Law and Order - The Third Year (1992-1993 Season) Law & Order - The Fourth Year Law & Order - The Fourteenth Season (2003-04 Season)

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Read more posts by Andrew S (About the Author)

del.icio.us Digg it Earthlink Furl iFeedReaders ma.gnolia Maple.nu Netvouz Netscape RawSugar reddit Scuttle Shadows Simpy Spurl StumbleUpon Wink Yahoo MyWeb

Posts that might have similar content:

Television Showdown Index >> Television Showdown on Haddow Drive I’m all into the feature columns so I’ve been fiddling with some ideas around a “television showdown” where I pit two similar shows against each other on a variety of standard criteria. The criteria are always the

Television Showdown - Episode #6 >> This is Episode Six of my feature column, the Television Showdown on Haddow Drive where I pit two similar shows against each other on a variety of standard criteria. The criteria are always the same, and the winner of each criterion gets

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