Haddow Press Experiment

Slashing Advertising - Episode #1

Archived in Television, Reviews, Advertising |

Brainstorm? Whatever. I had an idea for another feature column. And this is the FIRST episode. I’m calling it Slashing Advertising and how it works is this: we all watch television. When we see an advertisement that is trying to be clever, but failing miserably, then I slash it to bits, giving my readers a recap of the plot and three reasons why I think it fails.

Episode #1: Those Honey-Flavored Bran Bars (They taste great!)

Exhibit A: [The Product] Those Honey-Flavored Bran Bars — which, in my opinion, are actually pretty scrumptious — that everyone assumes taste like honey-coated cardboard.

Exhibit B: [The Ad] You’ve surely seen this one. A guy is on his way to work, riding the elevator and eating [The Product]. He says something like “These [The Product] sure tastes great.” The immediate response to this is that the woman riding in the elevator with him, drinking a glass of water, laughs or gasps or chokes in disbelief (call it what you will) and showers him with a spray of beverage from her mouth.

The scenario is repeated over a couple times until we reach the final act: Same guy sitting in a board room with a stereotypical meeting about to commence. The woman at the head of the table is (again) drinking a glass of water, and the fool of a protagonist about to repeat his catch phrase — “These [The Product] sure tastes great.” Instead, he pauses, waits for her to swallow the water, and — beat — says it. From behind comes the shower of water from some other woman.

Ba-Dum! Dum…. Tish!

The Case:

1) Spitting in disbelief: roughly defined refers to the act of spraying a medium pressure jet of fluid from one’s mouth in response to some kind of audible cue, specifically an unbelievable statement overheard from — in this case — a friend, or person nearby. I thought most of us learned to control this type of social faux pas back in kindergarten. Where did the population of this office go to school?

2) Let me just ask this: What kind of normal, well adjusted, middle-aged man wanders around the office eating bran bars and starting conversation with his colleagues by chanting some line about the flavor of his snack? Is this guy some kind of social retard? Are we expected to emulate him? Look up to him? Is he single? He must be.

3) In the course of a morning, our protagonist has eaten — let’s say — four bran-based, fiber bars. Perhaps his colleagues are all spitting in disbelief because the office shares a co-ed washroom? “Another one, Frank! Dude, we all have to WORK here! Your office already smells like a rendering plant.” This guy must sit there all day clenching his sphincter muscles, he’s so darn regular.

The Verdict: [The Ad] hocking [The Product] wants us to be like (let’s keep calling him) Frank. But Frank works with an odd group of spitting women, and Frank unfortunately suffers from some kind of severe social ailment which seems to be amplified by another unexplained bowel disorder. I personally eat [The Product] — occasionally, and in moderation — and [The Ad] almost makes me want to run away screaming.

This one gets a big ‘F’ — for Flatulence.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Read more posts by Andrew S (About the Author)

del.icio.us Digg it Earthlink Furl iFeedReaders ma.gnolia Maple.nu Netvouz Netscape RawSugar reddit Scuttle Shadows Simpy Spurl StumbleUpon Wink Yahoo MyWeb

Posts that might have similar content:

Television Showdown Index >> Television Showdown on Haddow Drive I’m all into the feature columns so I’ve been fiddling with some ideas around a “television showdown” where I pit two similar shows against each other on a variety of standard criteria. The criteria are always the

Movie Moments - Episode #1 >> This is Episode One of my feature column, the Movie Moments on Haddow Drive where arbitrarily rank "The Best or Worst of..." a themed movie moment or movie entire. There is no method here. Just opinions. Episode #1: Top Five Most Ridiculous