Haddow Press Experiment

Chosing Chores In Balance and Harmony

Archived in Relationships, Time |

Sharing the responsibilities in any marriage is a balancing act — and a symbol of trust and respect.

Dear Liz,

I thought this was the twenty-first century! I can’t get my husband to help with any of the housework (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc). We both work full TIME jobs, and I’m just as tired at the end of the day as he is. His excuse is that he does the yard work, but watering plants and occasionally mowing grass does not seem on the level with what I contribute.

Baffled in Beaumont

Dear Baffled,

It’s a classic conundrum to be certain. And it’s a question that’s been plaguing RELATIONSHIPS since the dawn of TIME. A few weeks, days, or years into any marriage, the question of “traditional” roles is almost certain to come up. Who does what, when, and how often?

If there were an easy solution, I’d share it. But alas, this confounding frustration is a common mantra of nearly every relationship. He shovels the snow, she dusts the blinds. He grills the steaks, she boils the potatoes.

Once thing is absolute, however: there is no such thing as a passive-aggressive solution to this problem. Ignoring it won’t make it vanish, going “on strike” will not alleviate the strain, and nagging (at least in my experience) causes more harm than good to the supposed “wedded bliss.”

The most basic advice is to talk it over — calmly, and openly — over dinner or a glass of wine. Relax. Don’t attack or pounce the issue. Assure your partner that with a more balanced workload you would probably have more energy for, ahem, other activities. Negotiate. Trade chores for a certain weekday.

Important to remember is that there needs to be a “carrot” — a benefit that only you can provide (from a favorite meal to, well, you know, wink-wink) — that is not withholding, taking hostage, denying, or threatening to your partner. There must be open communication, and clear understanding that the “icing on the cake” of your relationship is attained when you feel respected and appreciated.

Remember, it’s not about manipulating your guy into something he doesn’t want to do or having him give up something he enjoys. It’s about finding a way to share your chores and responsibilities without pushing the the “wrong way.” Remember, the scales can tip either way on this one. Hope that helps.

– Liz

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Read more posts by Liz M (About the Author)

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