Haddow Press Experiment

Television Showdown - Episode #4

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This is Episode Four of my feature column, the Television Showdown on Haddow Drive where I pit two similar shows against each other on a variety of standard criteria. The criteria are always the same, and the winner of each criterion gets one point, for a maximum of five points. Winner takes all.

Episode #4
Law and Order versus CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

In this installment of the Television Showdown on Haddow Drive I bring justice to Law and Order, stutter-paced legal drama split between the street and the courtroom, and CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, the uber-popular Vegas melodrama about a team of forensic investigators knee deep in bloody corpses.

Criterion 1: Glad-I’m-Not-Them Factor
The thing is this: everyone wants to be a cool CSI, right? I mean, look at the stats. Apparently enrollment in forensic science courses has skyrocketted since the show came on the air. I don’t see your average Joe lining up for law school. Besides, DNA analysis is cool, “Day 55″ of boring court testimony is not. There’s a reason they only show the highlights. Law and Order (+1)

Criterion 2: Use of Revenue Generating Product Placement
Fast cars, lifestyles of the rich and famous, and bloody murder clash in an orgasmic trilogy of an advertiser’s wildest dreams. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation really is just one long commercial advertisiment, no? What’s that… really? There’s a plot there, too. Interesting. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (+1)

Criterion 3: Inclusion of Primates in Cast
Lucky (or maybe smart thinking) for Law and Order, a 2001 season episode synopsis went something like this: “A laboratory technician is murdered and 17 infected research monkeys are ‘liberated.’ The detectives are certain that a group of militant animal-rights activists is responsible.” CSI has yet to have a monkey-driven plot such as this, and much to their detriment it would seem.
Law and Order (+1)

Criterion 4: Clear and Present Reference to Adult Situations
Hmm… not only does sex sell, but VEGAS? C’mon. This is a gimme. Both shows have their share of sex-crimes and brutal murders, but this puts them on a level playing field. It’s the Vegas strip show mentality, raucous sex going on behind closed doors — implied — that gives CSI: Crime Scene Investigation the edge here. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (+1)

Criterion 5: Gratuitous Use of Four Letter Explicatives
Primetime censorship always makes this a tough category. The language in both these shows is pretty tame. The only element that might distingush the two is this: while CSI: Crime Scene Investigation is an edgy, uber-hip blood and guts show riding the edge of the law, my grandmother watches Law and Order. ‘Nuf said. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (+1)

OVERALL
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation reveals a slight edge in the showdown with a 3 to 2 victory over the ever-popular Law and Order. Maybe it’s a product of different paces, different audiences, or different production value — or maybe the criteria are just unfair. Ah, the mysteries of the universe…

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